We’ll be the first to admit that we are obsessed with breakfast. But hey, don’t lie — it’s probably your favorite meal of the day, too. (And yes, it totally counts if you love brunch, also known as breakfast’s cooler, older cousin). If you want a green smoothie and avocado toast, head to a trendy brunch spot. If you want a simple breakfast sandwich, go to your local diner. But if this were the 1950s, you’d be pretty disappointed.
In fact, you might actually be worried, because the things people ate for breakfast back then were a bit strange.
That’s not to say eggs, bacon, and coffee weren’t enjoyed for breakfast. Yet, highly processed foods were picking up steam during the ’50s, and busy housewives were quick to serve meals made of boxed, canned, and frozen ingredients. Plus, as television became a staple in American households, advertisements for cheap and convenient processed foods were seen more frequently.
Top it off with the novelty of instant foods and you’ve got yourself a collection of questionable (and terrifying!) breakfast recipes.
If you have ever flipped through a vintage cookbook or magazine, you know exactly what we mean. But if you have yet to experience the hilarious world of creepy retro foods, this list is the perfect place to start. Just don’t say that we didn’t warn you.
1. Serving prunes with Spam and eggs was apparently a thing.
Granted, a typical American breakfast often includes some kind of processed meat and eggs. (Sausage and bacon, we’re looking at you.) It’s also common to enjoy breakfast with a side of fruit. This particular combination, however, would likely raise some eyebrows these days.
2. Spam Cakes: Not for everyone.
While Spam pancakes aren’t “creepy,” you can’t deny that it’s an interesting dish. In fact, a lot of people still enjoy Spam pancakes to this day! But if you prefer your meat on the side or in a sandwich, this savory breakfast probably isn’t for you.
3. Adding 7-Up to milk sounds questionable.
To be fair, it’s basically a melted ice cream soda. And apparently it tastes great, because some folks around the world enjoy this drink regularly. (Did you know that Coke and milk is a thing, too?) However, if you don’t drink soda and/or milk, you’ll likely cringe at the sight of this vintage ad.
4. Why eat toast and drink milk when you can add your toast to milk?
It’s almost like someone started to make French toast… and then gave up. Also, we have so many questions. Do you slice the toast with a knife and eat the pieces with a spoon? Or a fork? Or do you eat a soggy piece of toast with your hands??
5. This recipe calls for cream of mushroom, milk, tuna, olives, and waffles. Oh, the horror.
While you can’t deny the convenience of canned soup, we can only imagine the texture and consistency of cream of mushroom mixed with milk and tuna. Eating it with olives and waffles is another story. Regardless, we’ll stick to our chicken n’ waffles.
6. Veggie-filled pancakes topped with canned peaches? Hard pass.
If you enjoy savory pancake recipes, you’ve probably eaten your fair share of tasty vegetable pancakes… but this recipe is something else. Creamed veggies and peaches with pancakes? No, thank you.
7. When you can’t choose between breakfast and dessert, ice cream and cream of wheat makes sense, right? Sure.
On one hand, the ice cream would eventually melt and combine with the cream of wheat, just like milk. On the other hand, this is one heck of a sweet breakfast! Talk about an early morning sugar crash.
8. Scrambled eggs and canned soup. Let that sink in for a second.
It’s common practice to make scrambled eggs with milk, cottage cheese, or cream. But have you ever tried canned soup? While the automatic addition of veggies is handy, this type of dish isn’t as common today. Some folks still enjoy it, though.
9. Jack o’ Lantern Breakfast: Coming soon to a nightmare near you.
Fluffy pancakes? Check. Warm butter? Check. Creepy sausage eyes that stare at you while you eat? Triple check. While the ingredients in this “Jack o’ Lantern Breakfast” are quite standard, the presentation leaves much to be desired.
10. Here’s your average puffy cheese omelet topped with questionable, unidentifiable gravy.
Puffy omelets are cool and all, but what’s with the cottage cheese explosion and chunky gravy? We can’t help but wonder what is in that sauce. Also, we dare you to look at the caption in this Pinterest post and not laugh out loud.
11. Elegant eggs are always made with Velveeta cheese, obviously.
When you think about it, this is essentially an open-faced egg sandwich. But with an exclamation like “elegant eggs!”, it’s hard to not cringe (and laugh) at this vintage food ad.
12. Why use milk when you can wait for ice cream to melt?
This particular recipe reminds us of those cereal-dipped ice cream cones that are all over Instagram these days. But can we just talk about this hilarious serving suggestion? Clearly, ice cream for breakfast was a thing back then, and people had no chill. (Pun intended.)
13. Introducing: The Diluted Oatmeal
Oats are no stranger to smoothies, but this recipe called for cooked oatmeal and milk. In other words, it’s basically diluted oatmeal, and we don’t know how we feel about it.
14. What would you do if you found cereal in your puff pudding?
According to the recipe, this puff pudding a cake-like top layer with a cereal-filled custard underneath. And judging by the caption, it wasn’t pleasant. “I had to laugh with this — when my mom made this for me I thought she was trying to poison me,” said Pinterest user @themrsmonty. Haha!
All we have to say is, “YIKES.”
