Domino’s Just Added Canned Spaghetti To Their Hawaiian Pizza, And Are They Okay?

May 17, 2019

Something terrible is afoot at Domino’s New Zealand. The pizza chain just made the already controversial Hawaiian pizza even more contentious by adding canned spaghetti to it. Domino’s, we mean this in the best way — you need to seek some help.

“This is no joke! We’ve officially added Hawaiian SPAGHETTI pizza to our menu for a limited time only, with help from our friends at Wattie’s NZ! (no April Fools this time),” Domino’s New Zealand wrote in a May 12th Facebook post.

Hoo boy. Where do we begin with this one?

First of all, pineapple on pizza is a problem. Tropical fruit plus cheese and tomato sauce is an equation that never should have happened. But nevertheless, it did, and we’ve all had to deal with that for decades.

However, putting spaghetti — pardon, canned spaghetti — atop an already bizarre pizza has sent us spiraling into a confused state that, if we’re being honest, we don’t think we can ever recover from. It. Just. Doesn’t. Add. Up!

As problematic as this Domino’s New Zealand decision is, the real issue is hiding in plain sight in the comments section of the Facebook post. New Zealand, as a whole, is more than okay with this pizza mashup.

If by “keen” you mean “weird AF,” then yes, we agree. But something tells us Jessica is not on the same page we are.

Domino's New Zealand / Facebook

Someone has to stop Amanda before her “Top Fan” powers become too strong. Spaghetti bolognese pizza would send shivers down any Italian nonna’s spine.

Domino's New Zealand / Facebook

What? WHAT?!

Domino's New Zealand / Facebook

We didn’t think we’d ever have to boycott New Zealand, especially for something so seemingly trivial. But you guys are all BONKERS.

Domino's New Zealand / Facebook

At least someone agrees with us. Thank you, Sam, for not being utterly off your rocker.

Domino's New Zealand / Facebook

You tell ’em, Rosie! You’re slightly missing the point that spaghetti especially doesn’t belong on Hawaiian pizza, but okay.

Domino's New Zealand / Facebook

The responses on Twitter are a bit more relieving than those on Facebook. Hawaiian spaghetti pizza is going to be a collective no from us, dawg.

Honestly, the picture of the thing is enough to send us running in the opposite direction. “Vile” is a good word for it.

Okay, we’re sorry. But this is just frightening to look at.

What ever happened to the old saying, “Keep it simple, stupid?” We’re not calling Domino’s New Zealand stupid — we’re just saying, keep it simple!

Luckily, it looks like Domino’s U.S. isn’t going to be offering the Hawaiian spaghetti pizza to its customers stateside any time soon. Thank goodness.

But if you’re a Kiwi and looking to take a chance, you can pick this thing up at your local Domino’s for $7.99. It’ll only be around for a limited time, so act fast… we guess.

Harry Styles once told us to stop our crying, “it’s a sign of the times.” But Harry — how can one not cry over this?

Welp, if you need us, we’ll be in our underground bunker, waiting this one out. The world is no longer a safe place.

Domino’s please reach out when you’re ready to get help. We’ll be anxiously awaiting your call.