“Polite” Acts You Do At Restaurants That Are Actually Incredibly Rude

Going out to eat is supposed to be an enjoyable (and simple) experience. It’s easy. You go in, sit down, browse the menu, order, dine, chat, pay, and leave. If you’ve ever stuck around to hang out with servers or the kitchen staff after closing time, however, the story is a bit different.

It isn’t uncommon for members of the service industry to bash obnoxious, oblivious, or entitled customers after hours. And I can’t say I haven’t had my share of unpleasant customers while waitressing in undergrad. Can you blame us, though? Working in a restaurant can be brutal, and all of those tiny, “well-meaning” things some patrons do ”to help” actually makes the servers’ job even harder.

We’re not necessarily saying you need to police your every move to avoid being “that” person by the end of the night. We’re just asking you to think before you do something unintentionally annoying. It’s like etiquette expert Samantha von Sperling says in her video on dining: “Your manners have a direct impact on the experience of those around you. We all want to have a lovely experience when we’re out.” So, you know. Just keep others (AKA waitstaff, other diners, hosts/hostesses) in mind. Don’t let your restaurant manners miss the mark.

Here are 15 seemingly polite (but completely rude) acts some diners do to unknowingly inconvenience their server.

1. Ignoring the specials

It won’t take that long to listen to them.

I’m a huge fan of hearing about whatever specials a restaurant has to offer. Even if I’ve been there a dozen times, I’m still interested. If you’re not interested, however, don’t interrupt your server while he or she is listing off the entrees du jour. You may think that your quick interruption will save them time. But it’s actually just rude.

2. Seating yourself

If the host is busy when you come in, just be patient. Good things come to those who wait, remember?

“I am here for a reason. If you see a host stand, don’t walk past it,” Corey, a restaurant hostess, and blogger at A Not So Simple Life tells Taste of Home. “If for some reason I am not at the front door when you arrive, do not assume that means you can seat yourself.” Although seating yourself may seem like an easy way to “help” your host/hostess, it’s not. Whoever is running the frontend of a restaurant has an intricate system to ensure each server gets a fair amount of tables. If you seat yourself, it might throw them off.

3. Cleaning up after an accident

Yes, you want to clean up your mess, but you could make things worse.

Instead, apologize, thank your server, and be done with it. There’s no use in crying over spilled milk, right? Some parts of this rule are a bit tricky, though. If you do happen to spill your glass of tea off the table, please don’t attempt to pick up the shattered glass. The last thing your server wants is a bleeding hand.

4. Asking for condiments one item at a time

It wastes your waiter’s time.

Sure, carrying a lot of items at once sounds difficult. Your server would much rather you ask for whatever it is that you need in one swift order, though. Whether it’s coffee creamer, another napkin, a drink refill, or a new fork, allow your server to get it for you in one trip.

5. Raising your voice to get the server’s attention

No one wants to be shouted at.

Unless it’s an emergency (like someone is choking), you shouldn’t yell across the room to get your waiter’s attention. It doesn’t matter what kind of dining establishment you visit. “You should use eye contact or put up your index finger of your right hand, ever so slightly,” Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, founder of the Etiquette School of New York tells Best Life.

6. Splitting the check at the end

It’s a necessary evil, yes.

And you may think it’s rude to bring up the bill before you order, but most servers would prefer it that way, if you know you’ll be dividing your check, that is. This way, your server will be able to keep track of who’s eating what. Rule of thumb: Advance notice is always appreciated, no matter the industry.

7. Stacking plates

This is a no-no.

News flash, you’re not doing the servers any favors by stacking plates. In fact, you’re just making things even messier. I have a personal issue with this one (working at IHOP when I was younger really did a number on me). Leave the plates where they are, please. Your waiter has a system in place already; we promise.

8. “Helping” with a tray

Chances are, your help won’t be appreciated.

If it looks like your server is participating in a balancing act, they probably are! What happens when you take one heavy item off of a teetering tray? A disastrous mess happens, that’s what. Whatever you do, don’t grab for your food or drink, either. Just wait until the server has emptied the tray at their own pace.

9. Rushing to serve yourself

At an elegant restaurant, it’s just not necessary.

“Wait to be led to and offered a table; for your server to pull out your chair before sitting down; for your server to place a napkin on your lap before doing so yourself and for having your glass filled before you replenish it yourself,” lifestyle expert Maura Sweeney mentions in Best Life. “If in doubt, hesitate before taking action.”

10. Ordering from another server

It’s too confusing.

If you’re ready to order but your server is at another table, wait. Don’t flag down another server and ask to order. Doing this can cause a variety of issues including an incorrect order or bill. Instead of ordering from another server, ask if they can let your server know that you’re ready (with no rush, of course!).

11. Chatting way too much

If your server stops to chat, that’s fine.

But don’t flag them down to talk. A little chit-chat never hurt anyone, but don’t occupy your server’s time with stories about your father’s brother’s dog. Remember, they’re working, which means they need to pick up food, refill drinks, and place orders. You could also get them in trouble.

12. Helping yourself to the tea or water pitcher

Your thirst can most likely wait a few moments.

Just don’t do this. It doesn’t feel good to be neglected by your server. However, it’s also impolite to grab a drink dispenser that every customer in the restaurant has to drink from. Your hands might not even be that clean. If your drink is consistently empty and you’re parched, consider speaking to the manager. Otherwise, just ask your server for a refill.

13. Trying to be “fancy” when you actually have no idea what you’re doing

It can make you seem out of touch.

And even your own dinner party could be put off by faux fancy manners. Furthermore, don’t ask for the “pomme frites” if the menu calls them french fries. It will just make things unnecessarily complicated. On the other hand, if you do need help with pronunciation, just ask! Most waiters won’t mind helping out.

14. Pushing your plate away

People do it in TV shows.

You should not push your plate away in real life, though. When you finish eating, it’s perfectly acceptable to leave your plate where it is. In fact, it’s recommended. A good server will be able to tell when you’re done. Plus, pushing your plate or bowl away, clutters the table for you and your dining companions.

15. Failing to tell your server about a meal you didn’t like

Flag your server down and explain what’s going on (politely).

If something is wrong with your food (the salad is soggy or the meat is undercooked), let your server know. Don’t just sit there suffering in silence. And don’t wait until you finish eating to complain, either. Believe us, your server would much rather hear about your experience in person than in a scathing online review.