These Are Officially The Worst Fries In The U.S. Of A.

This may come as a blow to West Coasters’ egos, so brace yourselves. According to the Los Angeles Times, the absolute worst fast food French fries in America are In-N-Out’s. This is according to the Times’ Lucas Kwan Peterson — who now has a vendetta against him from In-N-Out fanatics. He should have seen this coming.

“I am pleased as punch to announce the authoritative, totally not subjective, incontrovertibly definitive and 100% correct L.A. Times Fast Food French Fry Rankings,” Kwan Peterson intros his February 12th piece in which he ranks the fries from America’s top 19 fast food chains. Yes, that’s right — In-N-Out ranked 19 of 19. Oof.

Kwan Peterson judged all 19 helpings of fries based on taste and texture (“which includes fry shape and mouthfeel”).

“Before you tell me there’s a way to “hack” these fries, or somehow make them better, either by loading them with American cheese and secret sauce, or by ordering them well-done,” Kwan Peterson said of In-N-Out fries, “I will grant this: It certainly doesn’t make the fries any worse.”

Although Kwan Peterson did not rank In-N-Out last on the texture scale (they came in 18th after Sonic), the flavor — “bland, crumbly little matchsticks that aren’t improved by any amount of ketchup, salt, cheese, or salad dressing you want to add to them” — is what put them in last place on Kwan Peterson’s scale. Brutal.

We are pleased to announce columnist @lucaspeterson's authoritative, totally not subjective, incontrovertibly definitive and 100% correct L.A. Times Fast Food French Fry Rankings. https://t.co/LyXF2cKHk8

— Los Angeles Times (@latimes) February 12, 2019

What came in first? Five Guys for taste, Steak ‘n Shake for texture.

Some agreed with Kwan Peterson’s scathing review of In-N-Out fries. Scott Wampler appreciated how Kwan Peterson “dragged In-N-Out fries to Hell.”

Others finally felt validated. You’re not alone in this.

YES YES YES!!! Thought I was the only person who felt this way.

— RecordCollector (@SuperLou_CA) February 14, 2019

Even though he had some support, scoring In-N-Out dead last caused a huge upset among the chain’s diehards. Not even the L.A. Times staff could back Kwan Peterson up on this.

hello I am the social media intern and have to share this but I totally dont agree with it. here are @lucaspeterson’s fast food french fry power rankings https://t.co/ZeX79RNH15

— L.A. Times Food (@latimesfood) February 12, 2019

Some of his colleagues even supplied their own alternative list to his via the L.A. Times account. It became a full on civil war.

Hello!! I'm @lauren_lee_la, the @latimes audience engagement intern. Yes, this tweet is real- and yes, I swear I know grammar! Here's my alt list @lucaspeterson:

1. In-N-Out
2. In-N-Out
3. In-N-Out
4. In-N-Out
5. In-N-Out

— L.A. Times Food (@latimesfood) February 12, 2019

In fact, whoever is running this Twitter account led a mutiny. They hijacked the list with the help from followers and added a 20th fast food chain to hit below In-N-Out.

Tomorrow we'll settle the fry debate once and for all. We're setting up a comprehensive Twitter poll French fry bracket with all 19 fast food chains- but we need ONE more. Who do you think should take the TWENTIETH spot in the bracket?

— L.A. Times Food (@latimesfood) February 13, 2019

Then there was a “true fry of the people” bracket. And participation in the game was high.

In hopes of identifying the true fry of the people, we will now commence the “Best Fast Food French Fry” bracket. The first round will begin today at 1pm PST and will be open for voting until 4pm PST (we had to cut a few to get it down to 16 -- sorry!!). #frenchfrybracket pic.twitter.com/cFI05TL8aX

— L.A. Times Food (@latimesfood) February 13, 2019

Round two squeezed Burger King and Whataburger out of the running. This was a nail-biter of a situation.

ROUND 2: The results are in! Eight fast food chains remain in the running. Vote now until 8pm PST tonight to narrow it down to the final four. Tomorrow morning (9am PST) we will begin the semi-finals and by the end the day, we will know the winner of the #frenchfrybracket! 🍟 pic.twitter.com/uI6atkA7oP

— L.A. Times Food (@latimesfood) February 14, 2019

It then came down to Five Guys vs. Chick-fil-A vs. McDonald’s vs. In-N-Out. Who would take home the title?

🚨 SEMI-FINALS 🚨 Four chains remain: Five Guys, McDonald's, Chick-fil-A and In-N-Out. Cast your votes for the #frenchfrybracket until 1pm PST.

Polls for the final round will be open from 1-5pm PST! 🗳️ pic.twitter.com/Nw9Dhb3POX

— L.A. Times Food (@latimesfood) February 14, 2019

Although In-N-Out made it much farther in the race than Kwan Peterson could have predicted, it was bumped out of the game by round 4. Five Guys vs. McDonald’s — which one will reign supreme?

🚨 SEMI-FINALS 🚨 Four chains remain: Five Guys, McDonald's, Chick-fil-A and In-N-Out. Cast your votes for the #frenchfrybracket until 1pm PST.

Polls for the final round will be open from 1-5pm PST! 🗳️ pic.twitter.com/Nw9Dhb3POX

— L.A. Times Food (@latimesfood) February 14, 2019

Drumroll please…”i would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.”

i would very much like to be excluded from this narrative pic.twitter.com/YZehMLx7sa

— L.A. Times Food (@latimesfood) February 15, 2019

MCDONALD’S WINS! We’re sweating. Are you sweating?

Kwan Peterson knew he would cause an outrage. He tweeted out his post on February 12th, adding, “You’ll laugh; you’ll cry; you’ll totally, completely disagree. Check it out!”

Perhaps Kwan Peterson wanted to cause mass hysteria. Maybe this was his plan all along…

Respectfully disagree. In-N-Out fries do not belong in the lower left corner of this graph. https://t.co/lOA1hlIxsy

— Mayor Karen Bass (@MayorOfLA) February 12, 2019

If it was, it worked. We need to inhale a large fry just to calm down.