Amazon Takes A Lot More Of Your Money When You Drunk-Shop, So Beware

It’s an injustice that is sweeping the country. Millions of adults each week are losing their hard-earned money to Amazon. The online shopping giant has its fingers deep in our wallets and charges us for things we didn’t even really want. And truth be told — it’s all our fault. According to The Hustle, drunk shopping is a $48 billion industry, and um, yeah. Whoops.

In a March 24th writeup, The Hustle reported that they ran survey in which 2,174 American adults divulged their drunk shopping habits.

The site found that, on average, we all spend about $444 per year on online purchases made while three sheets to the wind. That is, unless you live in Kentucky. For whatever reason, Kentuckians drop upwards of $742 per year on drunken online buys.

And it’s no surprise that Amazon is a Mecca for tipsy consumers.

In fact, 85% of those who shop online while under the influence head to Amazon. Ebay is the second favorite for 21% of shoppers who are feeling lucky and ready to bid.

So who are our allies in this fight with ourselves against drunk spending?

Luckily, we have a lot. 79% of The Hustle’s survey respondents have made a drunk purchase at least once.

And of those people, 78% are men and 80% are women.

Those in sports, marketing, transport, and oil & energy professions tend to drunk shop more than those of us in creative, retail, education, or computer engineering fields.

In general, The Hustle found that the more a person makes, the more likely they are to spend during a drunken online shopping spree. Makes sense.

Way to go marketers. We've made the top five in terms of who goes drunk shopping the most. I'm prouda you guys. pic.twitter.com/uziDfOhk9L

— Rob Zaleski (@robzie_) March 25, 2019

What exactly are people drinking to get bombed before they dot com?

34% of respondents pop open a beer (45% of which are men), whereas 29% uncork a bottle of red or white (50% of which are women). Hard liquor makes up 37% of respondents’ drinks of choice with the most popular being whiskey.

Guilty! #ecommerce https://t.co/wYwSbYw8mu

— Hamid Fozdar (@hamidfozdar) March 25, 2019

And although millennials are more likely to drunk shop, baby boomers actually spend more on drunk purchases in the long run, blowing through about $500 each year.

Those in the fashion industry top that, spending an average of $949 on inebriated purchases per calendar year. However, everyone across the board spends the most on clothes and shoes when drinking and clicking.

Some respondents’ weirdest buys include 200 pounds of fresh, 10-foot tall bamboo, a breast pump (“I’m a dude”), and “the same vest Michael J. Fox had on in Back to the Future,” as told to The Hustle.

Nice.

I need to be arrested for drunk driving my Amazon shopping cart. 😑

— JJ Williams 👑 (@HotaHota19) March 22, 2019

But as weird as the stuff we drunk buy is, we rarely regret our purchases. Only 20% of drunk buys are returned, and only 6% of those surveyed actually regret buying their stuff.

Drunk shopping is a $45B industry. Here's what people are buying. https://t.co/A6Fu3jjZjk via @Hustle_Says pic.twitter.com/QxHHw68Eh0

— Joan Queraltó (@joanqueralto) March 25, 2019

“To be honest, they’re almost always stupid buys, but the humor factor outweighs the stupidity,” one survey participant told The Hustle of his habit.

“I guess it’s a privileged way to look at consumption… But how many people can say they own a personalized Chia Pet?”

Too true.

And these people certainly aren’t the only Americans to partake in a boozy shopping binge.

This Twitter user bought 72 rolls of toilet paper.

Guess who’s a fucking winner when it comes to drunk online shopping? ME!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/gjSehzahd7

— ✨betsy✨ (@betsysaidwhat) March 25, 2019

This Twitter user got some new wigs. They look nice. Good job, drunk Carolyn.

Real-life drunk shopping is just as bad. Maybe even worse.

Last time I went to the mall drunk, I bought a bunch of build-a-bears 😂

— 𝔻𝕒𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕕&𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕗𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕕🌻 (@ihoplollipop) March 23, 2019

You deserve that vanity chair! You do you, girl!

Yeah, but Sober Jenny is definitely going to use that Yeti cooler. Drunk Jenny is just looking out.

Dani, on the other hand, doesn’t even remember what the heck she ordered. We all love the element of surprise… and sticker shock…

See? It’s all good in the end. Right…?

Drunk shopping is cool because sober me loves surprises.

— dammitJL (@dammitjanet_boo) March 18, 2019

Congrats, Joel! We hope both sober and drunk you will enjoy the movie.

So I had my first drunk online shopping purchase! I genuinely do not remember ordering this, but I don't doubt that I did. pic.twitter.com/bYjJWKx3Hk

— Joel DeJong (@snailstampede) March 18, 2019

It’s true that drunk shopping can be a bit of a nightmare. That confirmation email is never a welcome sight the morning after.

Seeing everything you bought after drunk shopping the night before. pic.twitter.com/8SFSrlOhI5

— Rick Flare (@QuietPimpin) March 24, 2019

But hey — we all do it.

As long as we use and enjoy our bouncy castles, $2,000 night vision goggles, and that trilogy of Satanic religious books (yes, someone in the survey did buy this), then it’s all worth it. At least, we think…