Don’t even try to hide it — everyone has their guilty pleasure secret foods they eat when no one else is around. Be it pork rinds dipped in queso or pizza slice tacos, everybody has their food vice that they know is so wrong, but tastes so right. On February 5th, one Redditor asked in the r/AskMen subreddit, “What’s your ‘I’ll only make this when no other humans are watching’ dinner?” And man, oh man, are the answers juicy.
“My gf is gone for the week,” the initial poster, who goes by u/GeorgieWashington, wrote. “Tonight I started [sautéing] an onion for another meal. I loved the smell of the onion so much that I just ate sautéed onions.” After the responses started rolling in, u/GeorgieWashington added, “Edit: y’all are some sick bastards. Keep up the good work!”
Now we hate to judge, but some of these dinners are just downright disgusting.
We’ve collected 30 of our favorite secret eats from the threat and compiled them here. Add your own guilty pleasure snack to the Reddit post to keep the grossness going.
Sure, it’s cheap. But why just one egg? What if you’re really hungry?
Um… we’d feel better if you just subbed in chicken or an egg for protein instead of protein powder. But hey, you do you.
This sounds like something from our gross 1960s meals list. Someone’s mom definitely did this back in the day.
That’s a lot of ravioli. There’s not much more we can say about the matter.
Actually, this would make a pretty good dessert. But now that we’re rereading this post, we’re more concerned about the milk with ice.
Don’t you hate it when your boss catches you singing, “Workin’ on my night cheese?” This is supposed to be a ~private~ meal.
We’re pretty sure iceberg lettuce just tastes like crunchy water. But we guess some people are into that.
That’s a setup for a burnt tongue if we’ve ever seen one. That sauce must get ~steamy~.
“A horrific amount of cream cheese” is what we’re going to ask for next time we grab breakfast from our local bagel spot. Just keep loading it on, honey.
We definitely used to do this as kids. However, now we think we’d just be grossed out by it.
Hard-boiled eggs are good. But they’re definitely not that good.
We’re glad you’re alone when you do this. No offense, but your breath must stank.
No, thank you. Absolutely not.
Apple butter sounds divine. But our stomach hurts just thinking about eating an entire jar.
Well, they probably look at you that way because this combo is weird as hell. Sorry — we’re just being honest.
We couldn’t decide which combo was weirder. Watermelon and rice is just too much for our brains to fathom.
We get that you missed your double cheeseburgers. But we’re not too sure how a pickle drizzled in mustard and ketchup is a good alternative.
Been there. Done that.
Also been there. Also done that.
This sounds like something Buddy the Elf would eat. Although, he’d put some chocolate sauce on his.
Wouldn’t be our first choice for alone-time breakfast. We’re glad you get some nostalgia from this odd combo.
Brussels sprouts are just barely good when they’re cooked (with bacon, butter, and cheese). Frozen Brussels sprouts? No.
Again with the garlic. Yes, like we said, it’s good for you. But raw garlic? That must hurt going down.
Sweet and salty? Is that the appeal of this one? We don’t get it.
We’re not sure why you have to dip anything in mashed potatoes. However, like we said, we’re trying hard not to judge.
We trying very hard not to judge. You guys are making it hard!
How did this person get the idea to put black beans on bread? Why not just eat them with a fork?
The classiness of goat cheese paired with the not-so-classiness of Spam makes for an interesting snack. We’d give it a shot.
Those carrots must be mega-crunchy on pizza. We’ll take our carrots on the side — and with ranch dressing.
What do you guys dive into when no one is around? Don’t worry — your secret is safe with us.
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