I Tried A Baby Food Diet For An Entire Week

Baby food is squishy; it’s slimy. It’s downright disgusting, but babies seem to love it. They consider it the ultimate cuisine, but that’s probably because they’ve only tried milk. Once you sample things like filet mignon, chocolate cake, and creme brûlée, though, it’s impossible to go back to a baby food diet of pureed veggies and blended fruits. Or is it…?

I haven’t had baby food in SUCH a long time, not since I was, well, a baby. But with all the trendy juice cleanses happening, I’ve been curious about trying baby food again. It’s free of so many chemicals and unnatural sugars, after all.

In fact, eating baby food is just like any other crazy celebrity diet. So, being the food purist I am, I thought it would be a pretty great idea to try it out. Mushed food, here I come.

First, I have to decide which baby food to eat.

The choices are endless. Should I try the classic Gerber Baby cuisine? Or should I go the natural, organic route? I’m not entirely sure it will matter, as I’m pretty sure all of the options will be gnarly. Here goes nothing, though.

I immediately consult my mother, because frankly, she fed me this junk in the first place.

I send my mom a text and eagerly await her reply.

Surprisingly, my mom isn’t very curious about why her daughter wants to eat baby food.

But she informs me that I used to love organic apricots, apples, and sweet potatoes. Apparently, I couldn’t stand peas. Noted.

I’m planning to incorporate the baby food into my normal breakfast routine because I really doubt I can last on baby food alone. I may be adorable, but I’m no baby.

Day One: It feels like I’m dying.

I sort the baby food into four categories: the ones I think I’ll love, the ones I think will taste like green juice (similar to icky grass but semi-edible), the ones I think will be tolerable, and the ones I think will be absolutely disgusting.

I’m not going to lie to you, I’m absolutely terrified to taste any of these.

So I figure I will start with one of the “good” ones, an apple blueberry puree. It should help ease me into this process.

But it’s anything but good.

The flavor is so potent and bitter that I can’t manage to get even one tiny bite down.

I can’t help but wonder, “What did I get myself into?”

Truly, I wanted to like this one. I really did. It seemed so bougie and fancy. The puree even had an expensive price tag and required refrigeration (how luxurious). I truly can’t even imagine feeding this to a child, let alone myself for the next few days.

I expected baby food to be more like apple sauce and not so concentrated in texture and flavor.

This diet is definitely harder than I thought. It already makes me think twice about using pre-made baby food when I have my own kids since I can barely tolerate it myself. Then again, I understand the convenience. It’s hard to make baby food from scratch when you’re taking care of an infant.

Hopefully, I try some better flavors!

Day Two: Sweet potato might be a contender.

I wake up and dread another mushy, tasteless breakfast. I made a commitment to this diet, though. And I’m not backing down. I open an organic sweet potato cinnamon and oat breakfast purée and hope this will be enjoyable.

The flavors sound simple and mild, so I’m curious to see if I like sweet potato baby food after all these years.

After a little taste, I deem this one safe, and actually pretty yummy! It tastes like sweet potato pie filling, and I think the cinnamon makes it much more tolerable to my adult palate. It is very sweet, however.

After half of a pouch, the sugary taste overwhelms me.

I decide to call it quits until snack time.

Day Three: I’m getting in the zone.

This morning, I start with guava pumpkin pear. It sounds interesting enough, and I know I love guava juice. Fingers crossed this won’t make me gag.

Guava pumpkin pear is horribly sour, then it’s sweet, then it tastes like a tropical beach smoothie!

I actually love this flavor and eat the whole dang thing!

I give the apple and spinach flavor a try, too.

It’s absolutely delicious! This one is kind of like a green juice if green juice were way more tolerable.

It is getting much easier to eat these baby foods before regular meals and as snacks.

My skin is looking great, I’m feeling more energetic, and I’m not retching at the thought of eating this slop! I’m actually looking forward to trying the next jar. My excitement is pretty amusing.

Plus, I am really motivated to continue because I made the decision not to completely torture myself with disgusting flavors. Incorporating the baby food into my normal diet makes this way better than a regular cleanse.

Day Four: Wait, am I actually enjoying this?

For breakfast, I take on the apple, spinach, strawberry, veggie blend. It definitely has more of that green juice vibe. The flavor is decent, but it’s also a little too sweet. The weird grass aftertaste doesn’t help, so I’m not a huge fan.

Then, I try another apple and blueberries mix; it’s from a different brand.

But it’s just as gross as the one from earlier this week. I can only finish one teeny, tiny bite. This is not my morning. I guess I’m just not an apple and blueberries purée person. A girl really needs her breakfast, though. So I grab a third jar.

My saving grace is a pear, pumpkin, and passionfruit flavor.

This is as close to sophisticated baby food for a sophisticated woman that I’ll get (feel free to roll your eyes). It takes me to my happy place — the white, sandy beaches of Hawaii. It’s like I’m having a tropical drink.

I’m pretty sure this isn’t true baby food. It must be for adults trying to prep for a beach vacay.

Seriously, though, I do think this may be the best flavor by far. It could possibly even be served at a fancy restaurant.

But then again, maybe I’ve just been eating baby food for way too long.

Day Five: I don’t even need to say, “Oh, kale no.”

I crack open a jar of apple kale spinach, and it’s surprisingly delicious. This one isn’t overly sweet or kale-y.

The idea of kale baby food is grossing me out.

But this flavor leaves me pleasantly surprised. It’s really good, and I feel ecstatic about getting some mushy veggies in before starting my day.

Wait, am I starting to enjoy this diet?

Seriously, what have I become?  I don’t want to be known as the freak who eats baby food, but I’m not hating the process.

Day Six: Baby Food Is Gross Again.

I want to finish this off strong, so I try a flavor that will likely be quite sickening. And the turkey dinner meal certainly didn’t shock me.

It did, however, make me nearly upchuck into the sink.

My goodness. Yeah, okay, it’s time to stop. I really think I’m done here.

Results Time:

After a few days of incorporating organic baby food into my diet, I’m getting some really positive effects. I have glowing skin and great digestion despite the antibiotics I’m taking. Who knew?

I feel so dewy, and I kind of look like a forest fairy.

Obviously, I’m very happy and shocked about that. Additionally, it seems like baby food can be a great way to get your fruit and veggies on the go.

Certain flavors are just like green juice but less expensive and much, much weirder.

However, I do look and feel better and more energized, so there are no real complaints here. But I do realize it’s totally weird to eat food meant for infants.

I text my sister a photo, and we admire my new mermaid-like hair and skin.

I almost can’t believe the baby food’s impact. But I guess stranger things have happened!

I am shocked by this outcome. But as much as I love the results, I’m truly sick of baby food.

Actually, I look forward to eating adult fruits and veggies again and doing some DIY projects with all these empty glass jars.