The second you realize you’re pregnant, everything changes. You need to ditch unhealthy vices, take a prenatal vitamin every morning, and start realizing that every choice you make will directly affect someone else. It can be a lot to handle — and, you’ll do a lot of Googling about what you should and shouldn’t do.
But one of the most notorious pregnancy rules is to avoid alcohol and tobacco. Some doctors are a little looser with the first, stating that an occasional glass of wine probably won’t make much of a difference. Other doctors feel as if it’s better to abstain altogether. But note, that call is up to you and your doctor. Not, say, a server at a restaurant.
Thanks to Reddit, a story came about from user YouGottaStopThat, who mentioned that they’ve been serving for three years. During one of their shifts, a group of four women came in and ordered drinks.
It sounds like a pretty stereotypical night, until YouGottaStopThat overheard a snippet of a conversation.
“When I was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, I walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along,” they wrote. “When I rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant.”
AITA for serving a pregnant woman a non-alcoholic cocktail? from r/AmItheAsshole
When the group ordered a second round of drinks, YouGottaStopThat chose to alter the order a little.
Because when you’re pregnant, you shouldn’t be drinking — right?
heart in the right place but...should've voiced her concerns to the lady upon ordering the 2nd round, though. if being shamed in front of friends for drinking while pregnant wasn't enough, mention it to manager.
— abbykat (@abbykat9) July 26, 2019
my adopted baby brother had FAS
she did the right thing in the end
So, they took it upon themselves to make sure her other drinks didn’t include alcohol. The group had a few rounds, and nobody seemed to notice that the supposedly pregnant woman was getting non-alcoholic versions of her drink choice.
You may not like her choice of drinking while pregnant, but it is HER choice and no one else. I think drinking, smoking, etc while pregnant is atrocious....but that's MY opinion.
— Heather Corbett (@sweetpeanut11) July 29, 2019
“When Mrs. Pregnant Woman got to the counter, I saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). My bartender had edited each in the system for inventory,” they stated.
This wasn’t what YouGottaStopThat wanted — straight-up proof to the customer that the drinks were changed without the customer knowing.
As you may expect, the woman realized she was being charged for something she didn’t order, asked for her part of the tip back, and got the server in trouble. But the server stood by their position, stating they didn’t want to be responsible for fetal alcohol syndrome, which is said to affect around one in 10 children.
As morally reprehensible as u may feel drinking while pregnant is, if the law says you must serve pregnant ppl like all other sober ppl, you follow the law or quit. Making moral judgments for others isn’t in the job description here.
— 👸🏾 HRH Princess Devy 👸🏾 (@princessdevy03) July 30, 2019
They likely meant well, but screwed up in a few ways — and Reddit wasn’t shy about telling them that.
No matter what, YouGottaStopThat gave the woman things she didn’t order. That’s one mistake.
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Also, even though they seemed certain that the woman said she was 14 weeks pregnant, they admittingly didn’t hear the whole conversation. They could have been 14 weeks into a new job for all the server knew.
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Even if a woman seems to be showing, assuming anyone is pregnant without them directly telling you is wrong. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes a legit pregnancy belly stays along for weeks after the actual delivery.
To all those who think it’s appropriate to ask. No, I’m not pregnant, just having my period and was bloated.... so yeah... thanks for asking. #notreally #notallstomachsarewashboards
— Caitríona Balfe (@caitrionambalfe) June 4, 2019
Or, sometimes you might assume pregnancy in someone who’s been trying hard to have kids but just can’t. It’s a more sensitive topic than you may think.
No, I’m not pregnant. Yes, I’m still chubby. Yes, I’m still trying to lose the 50 pounds I gained when I was depressed. Yes, it’s still rude if you ask a woman if she is expecting. It’s none of your business. pic.twitter.com/biQhnLbSMS
— Nikki Reck (@RealNikkiReck) July 11, 2019
As for this woman, YouGottaStopThat and all servers should know to never tamper with an order.
Who knows if she may have been allergic to one of the mocktail ingredients? Or, if she was discussing a prior loss she had at 14 weeks and wanted to go out with friends to feel better about it?
Even if we don’t like the choices someone makes, it’s not our job to change them. As tempting as it may be sometimes.
My take on 99% of "pregnancy rules": pic.twitter.com/Hhb8z1Zgeu
— Maddie Peschong (@maddiepeschong) April 13, 2017
In fact, YouGottaStopThat may be out of a job based on serving the wrong drinks. Their manager hasn’t put them on the calendar. This assumption could have also gotten the restaurant in a huge amount of trouble.
Even if you think they made the right call, try to see it from another perspective. Would you want to be served a turkey burger instead of beef, since your server thinks you’re too heavy?
Or, would you want to be served a Diet Pepsi instead of a Sprite since your server feels it’s the better choice? What if you went to order a dessert, and your server gave you a guilt trip about it?
This particular server openly made a health call about someone they didn’t know based on something they thought they heard. Thus, taking away control from the customer, who would know for sure whether or not they were actually pregnant.
Drinking while pregnant puts your baby at risk - but doctors know the science and what levels are dangerous.
— Elsa Majimbo stan account (@RookieKE) May 15, 2019
Also,telling pregnant strangers that they shouldn't drink when pregnant is concern-trolling and isn't likely to achieve anything.
So, if you’re a server, let this be a lesson. You may think you’re doing the right thing, but it can come off as being discriminatory and offensive, especially if you happen to be wrong.
