9 Foods To Never Eat When You’re Hungover, Because You’ve Been Lied To

Against your better judgment, you still took those three shots of tequila last night. In the morning, you probably woke up to a headache, queasy stomach, and dehydrated, aching body. Not that you’re super surprised. You knew this would happen. Hangovers, they’re basically unavoidable if you’ve been drinking one too many drinks. Don’t take this pain personally. It happens to almost everyone who’s had a bad breakup, received a raise at work, found a babysitter and has a kid-free weekend, etc. And the older you get, the more painful your hangovers will be. Whether you learned it in college or from your best friend a couple months ago, you probably have a trick or “cure” for your hangover. Whether it’s hitting up the bagel shop or “the hair of the dog” (aka, more alcohol), I’m here to sadly break the news for you: There is no easy “cure” for a hangover. And no kind of food really won’t completely eliminate that gross feeling you feel after a night of drinking.

Here are things that you shouldn’t actually rely on to cure you of your gnarly hangover:

1. Coffee

Coffee is usually the first thing someone offers you the moment you wake up and hate life. There are many debates on whether or not coffee really helps with hangovers. If we disregard all opinions and look at facts: caffeinated beverages will not help. The caffeine in coffee is a diuretic, meaning it expels water and salt from your body. This will only increase your dehydration. Drink more water, instead.

2. A burger

I know this is hard to grasp because when you’re drunk you’re, for some reason, always craving a juicy cheeseburger with extra pickles. However, a burger will not help your hangover, sorry! A greasy burger will only cause more irritation to your stomach, and the saturated fats will worsen your headache. A burger is best when eaten before you start drinking; it’s great for coating your stomach.

3. More alcohol

I bet your roommate in college swore this was the best hangover cure. “Hair of the dog” is when you drink more alcohol to curb your hangover symptoms. This might alleviate things temporarily, but it’s kinda obviously a bad decision. Drinking more alcohol will continue to dehydrate your body.

4. A breakfast sandwich

Of course, your friends (who didn’t drink as much as you) will pass you a pair of sunglasses and convince you to attend brunch the next day. If you manage to get out of bed, don’t pick a breakfast sandwich off the menu. I don’t care if the server swears it’s the best item, it is not good for a hangover. Like a burger, a breakfast sandwich will not absorb the alcohol fueling your hangover, and it’ll only cause more irritation to your stomach.

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5. Orange juice

On a normal day, drinking a glass of orange juice in the morning not a bad plan (it’s super sugary, but at least you’re getting some nutritional value out of it, right?). But orange juice is not a friend to your hangover. The acidity in orange juice will make your stomach upset. Stay away from all citrus drinks.

6. Bacon

While hungover, bacon will taste great and it will even temporarily alleviate your pain. However, when that temporary relief wears off, you will quickly add bacon to your list of regrets as your stomach starts to do backflips because of the fat and salt content. Your body is counting on you to make more nutritional choices when hungover: Sorry, but put the bacon down.

7.  French fries

Sadly, French fries will not help you out, either. These will only place more strife on your tummy. Grab some lightly-salted crackers instead.

8. Meat, meat meat

You may have been told after a night of puking to quickly fill your stomach with meat to soak up the alcohol. This seems like the perfect option. But, nah, put the steak down. Your blood sugar is likely to be low after a night of drinking and an overload of protein will worsen a headache.

9. Eating anything before going to bed

While your vision is going blurry and the dance moves are becoming less appealing, you will more than likely have a friend telling you to hurry and eat before you pass out. This might be the most common myth of preventing a hangover. Any food that is eaten after you’ve already had alcoholic drinks will not help your hangover. Actually, that food could potentially be rejected and end up on that dance floor.

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I said all that just to say this: Drink plenty of water throughout your drinking. Also focus on intaking electrolytes, potassium, and sodium to help reboot your system when hungover. Try to get some rest, and promise me you won’t drink as much next time, okay?

In the meantime here are beautiful, and healthy smoothie bowls to help your recovery.

Smoothies + water = much, much better morning.