I consider myself to be very lucky. I have a husband who actually enjoys cooking. And I credit Alton Brown for this entirely. Brown is a big fan of food science, and he inspired my husband to watch countless episodes of Good Eats. Plus, the show received a summer 2019 release to return to the air after a long hiatus, so my husband wasn’t the only one watching.
Moreover, I’m lucky because some people are trying to reverse the gender roles that insist that women belong in the kitchen, and men belong anywhere else. In fact, some men are trying their hardest to make sure that they do their parts. Do they still occasionally have a husband dinner fail? Yes, they certainly do, but the diligent men keep trying. And most of them learn that practice makes perfect. Surely even Alton Brown had his fair share of cooking disasters before landing all those luxe television gigs.
Until they perfect their craft, though, here are some of the best husband dinner fails.
1. The Hammer
This husband must have tried to open a can of beef soup with a hammer.
Based on this video, the process went just as expected; it was a failure. Here’s a pro-tip — it’s always helpful to have more than one can opener in the kitchen. You can buy them at relatively inexpensive prices, and they actually belong in the kitchen. Fingers crossed this husband cleaned the mess up shortly after taking the video.
2. Black Mac and Cheese
Mac and cheese comes in many shapes and forms.
But this one is just wrong. Shared on Instagram, one husband’s dinner attempt went awry when he apparently forgot to add water to his instant mac and cheese. We’re not judging, though. A lot of people miss this step sometimes when things get hectic in the kitchen… maybe. Actually, this amateur chef is pretty lucky; the lack of water could have started a gnarly fire. Microwave meals are convenient, but they come with plenty of safety rules.
3. Sausage And Mayo Sandwich
Mayonnaise -sausage- mayonnaise sandwich my husband made for dinner from r/shittyfoodporn
Listen. Mayonnaise is great. But this dinner “sandwich” has two heaping layers of the stuff. And that’s two layers too many. In fact, you might even wonder if the sausage was just an afterthought. Seriously, did this husband think this truly looked appetizing? In situations like these, we recommend breaking out the peanut butter and jelly. And everyone has those ingredients handy in the case of a dinner emergency!
4. The Burrito Fail
This one may make you cringe, especially if you love making Mexican food at home.
Burritos can make an excellent dinner, but this husband apparently forgot what burritos looked like when it came to the key aspect of assembly. Even a properly-wrapped burrito may fall apart, but this one was certainly destined to fail. Remember, no burrito should purposefully resemble a CrunchWrap from Taco Bell.
5. Smorgasbord
A girl I used to know was so happy her husband made this masterpiece. from r/shittyfoodporn
This food combination has a little bit of everything. And it seems like everything is either a little under or over the suggested temperature. We don’t doubt that everything on the plate tasted yummy, though. You can’t beat the heat-and-eat classics. But, to call this assemblage dinner may be a little too generous. It’s more like a sad snack.
6. The Lifeless Burger
Listen. When someone makes you a burger, you should at least expect a bun.
It’s really nice when someone you love makes dinner for you. But you have a legit reason to get mad if this is what you’re presented. This lame burger almost requires a lengthy discussion about the definition of both “dinner” and “hamburgers.” Heck, even a lettuce leaf would have helped this burger. A little bit of ketchup and mustard might have been nice, too.
7. The World’s Saddest Quesadilla
Hubby is drunk and made this quesadilla from r/shittyfoodporn
When you’re drunk and hungry, sometimes you eat whatever’s available.
And it’s good this guy didn’t set his kitchen on fire, but he still could have made something slightly more appetizing than this. Even if this husband couldn’t find his way to the cabinet to add beans to this mini monstrosity, he should have at least realized that his toppings were lackluster. This meal really shouldn’t even be called a quesadilla.
8. The Spaghetti Fail
Last night I asked my husband to put some spaghetti on the stove so I could start dinner when I got home. #clever pic.twitter.com/dQ2GBit72D
— Wendy Rollins (@wendyrollins) May 21, 2014
This might be a very clever, or very clueless husband. Just remember that if you want to try this at home, make sure it’s found and laughed at immediately. Reason being, water takes some time to boil, and jokes are way less fun when you’re hungry. At the very least, you can’t argue that this husband didn’t follow the instructions given to him.
9. The Caprese Salad
Mozzarella, basil, and tomatoes taste great together, especially in the summertime.
Even though this dish gets an A+ for plating, the actual components just don’t look as fresh as they could. Part of the overall appeal of Caprese salad is the fact that it’s a vibrant, yet simple dish. Still, there are plenty of kids out there who might finally be inspired to eat tomatoes if they came in pig form.
10. Deconstructed Chicken
Deconstructed fried chicken my husband made from r/shittyfoodporn
This is definitely a creative meal, especially since deconstructed food is all the rage these days. But it’s also a little confusing. And, uh — not officially deconstructed. Still, this chicken combo could be a great dish to make if you’re really confused about what to do with your oyster cracker stash.
11. This Gross Stew
Stew is often a delicious combination of meats and vegetables.
This husband, however, obviously didn’t know that. No, whatever he made definitely wasn’t stew. Interestingly, the more you look at this dish, the less disturbing it gets. At least, that’s what happened to us. Now, we can at least identify it as a food attempt and not digested and expelled food waste.
12. The… Wait, What Is That Exactly?
My husband “made dinner” tonight. With garnish! from r/shittyfoodporn
We assume this is some kind of meat pie, and it probably originated in a freezer. It barely looks edible, though. Also, you can’t help but laugh about the whole tomato. Why didn’t the husband at least make a few slices?
13. The Kraft Creation
I’m on bed rest, so my husband made dinner from r/shittyfoodporn
Kraft cheese definitely has its place in the world.
But we don’t know if it should completely smother a pasta dish. This meal probably didn’t taste terrible, but the presentation will make you laugh for days. In fact, the husband could have sliced the cheese before serving it on top on the otherwise wonderful dish. Someone might want to buy this guy a cheese grater and a block of parmesan, stat.
14. The Fart Wrap
My husband’s creation, The Fart Wrap: Flour tortilla, mayo, garlic sauce, microwaved hotdogs and sour kraut from r/shittyfoodporn
By themselves, all of these ingredients have the potential to be delicious. But together, and unraveled? It’s just not appetizing at all. In fact, looking at it might very well make you sick. If you’re actually feeling inspired to recreate this, maybe you should at least cook your hot dogs in a pot or on the grill to make everything slightly less rubbery.
15. The Pizza Fail
Making a healthy pizza while mom is away shouldn’t be that hard, right?
Well, this hubby’s two kids certainly wouldn’t agree. Have you ever seen someone so upset over a pizza before? Cauliflower pizzas are all the rage these days, but nothing will ever beat the original. Even though this creation has pepperoni thrown on top, it’s bound to taste very different when compared to the real deal.
16. The Salami Taco
My husbands salami taco with mayo salsa from r/shittyfoodporn
It’s unlikely that Taco Bell is going to put this creation on the menu anytime soon, not even as a summer seasonal item. However, this husband did try very hard to perfectly place his key ingredients in an aesthetically-pleasing way. We’re not sure why a huge chunk of the tortilla is missing, though.
17. The Phallic Dish
My husband fancies himself pretty good at plating up my dinner. from r/shittyfoodporn
This is a dish you want to make sure not to serve if kids are present. This meal may have tasted good, but the plating is just plain awkward and disastrous. As Redditor DFisBUSY accurately stated, “I don’t know what any of the items are, and it terrifies me.” You can count us out for this meal.
18. The Overly Baked Potatoes
I asked my husband to make baked potatoes for dinner…this is what I got. from r/shittyfoodporn
If these spuds bring a tear to your eye, you’re not alone. This husband apparently didn’t Google the instructions. According to the original poster, the husband responsible for this dish basically threw these potatoes right into the fire. That’s charcoal and ash you’re seeing. He tried, but he didn’t try hard enough.
19. The Over-Pickled Fish
Husband is across the country and has been living in a hotel for 3 months. He is rather proud of his kitchen skills. from r/shittyfoodporn
This may be edible, but that doesn’t mean it’s gourmet.
Supposedly, the husband prepared fish sticks topped with cheese, mustard, ketchup, and (of course) pickles. If you wanted to make this at home, for some odd reason, you could even ditch the fish sticks. They’re quite obviously an afterthought in this disaster dinner. You might not have even realized they were there, to begin with.
20. Bean… Soup?
My husbands bean soup, looks like dog food dressed up with a filter. from r/shittyfoodporn
The Redditor who posted this creation actually called it a soup. But we’re not so sure. In fact, why didn’t the chef immediately realize that his meal was falling apart? It didn’t have liquid; that’s not okay. He could’ve gone back to step one and solved everything. Maybe if this culinary invention was recreated as a side, this husband would be onto something.
21. The BurgerDog
Husband wanted to make “burger dogs” but got “Mr. Hanky” instead… from r/shittyfoodporn
This summer, you’re going to be asked whether or not you want a burger or a dog. Just make sure not to say, “Surprise me!” to whoever’s manning the barbecue.
In theory, this dish seems like a good idea, especially if you’re trying to get some use out of those additional hot dog buns. Just know, however, that all the toppings in the world won’t make these weird foods Instagrammable. Unfortunately, the burger-dogs look a lot like feces.
22. Guac and Rice
Husband’s very own rice guacamole and baguette dinner from r/shittyfoodporn
Guacamole and rice go together pretty well in a burrito. But as the main dish? We’re not sure. If this dinner had maybe two or three more ingredients — say, less totally random bread and more black beans and corn— the husband could have had something good here. As it is, though, we’re not impressed.
23. The Failed Tamale Pie
You can tell this dish just didn’t live up to its expectations.
And the chef definitely didn’t try to do anything fancy with his plating technique. Unfortunate lighting and a tamale that just can’t stay in the bowl don’t help the situation. A quick Google search should have shown this husband that tamale pie actually has a moist layer on top that’s made of cornmeal. That ingredient seems to be completely missing in the final presentation.
