Christmas dinner with your family can be brutal. You may still be figuring out life yourself by the time this holiday rolls around. So when your relatives start talking to you, just play by these rules. Bonus points if you get your favorite cousin to drink Christmas away with you!
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Food
Take 1 Drink When:
- Someone asks what time you’re eating.
- Your vegan/vegetarian/gluten-free cousin complains there’s nothing to eat and how we’re ruining the planet.
- Your brother complains that he’s still at the kids’ table even though he’s 10.
- You’re stuck at the kids’ table as an adult.
- Someone actually eats your aunt’s unidentified side dish.
- You hear “my diet starts tomorrow” as your mom downs an entire turkey leg.
- Someone says they’re too full for dessert and eats 3 gingerbread cookies anyways.
- Someone falls asleep or unbuttons their pants after dinner.
- Someone asks “What time are we opening presents?”
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Relationships
Chug Your Drink When:
- Someone asks why you’re single.
- Someone asks when you’re getting married.
- Someone asks when you’re having kids.
- Someone asks if you’re into the opposite sex since you’ve been single forever and then add that they still love you no matter who you choose to spend your life with.
- Someone congratulates you on doing things without a man/woman around to help out.
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TV
Take 2 Drinks When:
- Someone yells at the basketball game.
- Someone yells at the football game.
- Someone yells to change the channel from the basketball game to the football game.
- Someone turns on the 24-hour showing of “A Christmas Story”.
- Someone uses profanity.
- Someone uses profanity and grandma gets upset.
- Grandpa makes you turn the TV off to actually have a conversation.
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Work
Act Like You Spilled Your Drink and Walk Away when:
- Your aunt asks what you do for a living.
- Your aunt still doesn’t understand what you do for a living.
- Your cousin brags about how much he hates his job even though he makes way more than you in a month than you have your entire life.
- Anyone brings up anything work-related events between Christmas and New Years.
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Family
Finish Your Entire Drink When:
- Your cousin’s new boy toy makes an ass of himself and grandma starts shit talking.
- Grandma starts gossiping about a relative who couldn’t make it to Christmas this year.
- Someone whines about getting a shitty present.
- All your girl cousins get a scarf and you get stationary (Not letting this one go, Sara).
- Someone gives the fakest smile and thanks your aunt for their gift.
- Your cool teenage cousin makes everyone take family photos.
- Your aunt can’t figure out how to work her phone’s camera.
- Your grandma breaks out the old digital camera.
- Your grandma covers the flash with her finger.
- Your grandma laughs about covering the flash with her finger.
- Grandma guilts you into going to church next Sunday.
- When anyone starts twerking.
- Someone asks you to move your car because you’re blocking them in, but you’re too drunk from dealing with your family.
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