Chips Ahoy Cookies Have Been Recalled For Containing “An Unexpected Solidified Ingredient”

Mondelēz Global LLC announced on April 13th that they are voluntarily recalling certain packages of their Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies. Luckily, there’s no virus or bacteria lingering in the batter. Instead, the company is concerned about “the potential for certain product to contain an unexpected solidified ingredient.” Uh — what now?

“Unexpected solidified ingredient” leaves a lot — perhaps too much — to the imagination.

Chewy Chips Ahoy are, of course, known for their soft chewiness. The chocolate chips provide a nice crunch here and there, but that’s definitely expected. So what in the solidified heck is hiding in our Chewy Chips Ahoy? Rocks? Bits of plastic? The Airpod we lost two weeks ago?

According to The Takeout, who spoke with a representative from the Mondelēz Consumer Relations Hotline, consumers have found hardened bits of cornstarch in their cookies. Oh. That’s it? We were really hoping it was that lost Airpod. Looks like we’re still out a gazillion dollars…

The Chips Ahoy Twitter account also confirmed that people have complained of gagging, coughing, and mildly choking on these cornstarch nibs. We think that maybe these customers are trying to get a few Chips Ahoy coupons out of their complaint, and tbh, we can’t blame them.

Mondelēz Global LLC announced April 13, 2019 a voluntary recall in the United States, of certain Chewy Chips Ahoy 13 oz. due to the potential for certain product to contain an unexpected solidified ingredient. Click below for full list of affected product. https://t.co/x6y5o65Kjg

— Chip (@ChipsAhoy) April 14, 2019

As advised by the Chips Ahoy Twitter, those who have affected packages in their pantry should not eat them. The recalled packages all have expiration dates of September 2019.

Consumers who have these products should not eat them.

— Chip (@ChipsAhoy) April 14, 2019

Without outwardly telling people what the “unexpected solidified ingredient” is, we all began thinking horrendous thoughts. Sorry, we can’t help it!

Please. If it’s shit, just say it’s shit. We can handle it.

— B. Jörk Ouellette (@panicBoy) April 16, 2019

Well. We guess.

I hope it's weed

— 😇 Histen 😈 (@_Histen_) April 17, 2019

Some were more reasonable than others. Airpod? Has anyone found an Airpod?

Chips Ahoy could have avoided responding to many concerned customers individually if they had just told us what the ingredient was from the start. But hey, the past is in the past.

And if you’re wondering what the bits of cornstarch look like, this Twitter user actually found some in his package of cookies a while ago. Yikes.

Yea I found these nearly a month ago an my son ate like 2/3 rows before I even found out!!!!! Tried to contact the company an couldn’t get anyone to answer!!!! How are you just now announcing a recall???? pic.twitter.com/8YyoxDJrnD

— Nick Fairchild (@NMF606) April 16, 2019

Again, people. Don’t eat the recalled cookies.

Otherwise, there will be consequences. And those consequences will be weird.

RIP, my guy. RIP.

You may want to cut those three packages down to just one. Who knows what the cornstarch could do?

wait until it’s time for the good lord to take you away

— r🎅🏽b (@robcordero) April 17, 2019

In all seriousness, really — don’t eat the cookies. It may just be cornstarch, but Mondelēz wants to make sure their customers are safe when eating their product.

Ummm what if i already ate them? is this why my stomach has hurt the last few days?

— Lisa (@LETsGO_PENGUINS) April 16, 2019

NO! Don’t do it!

going to eat them

— cinnamon bun (@notsofiacoppola) April 17, 2019

There are other cookies out there for you to weather this storm with. Do yourself and Mondelēz a favor.

Or, you know, just stick to the classic. Chewy can wait.

@lizziekv @AndyVeri848 @joepisapia always get the blue bag, not the red bag. pic.twitter.com/8jl7bCMyEB

— PJ Veri (@Peeje24) April 16, 2019

Check the expiration dates on your Chewy Chips Ahoy package. And if anyone finds that Airpod — please help a girl out.