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29 Foods People Secretly Make When No One Else Is Around

Samantha Wachs

Published February 6, 2019

Don’t even try to hide it — everyone has their guilty pleasure secret foods they eat when no one else is around. Be it pork rinds dipped in queso or pizza slice tacos, everybody has their food vice that they know is so wrong, but tastes so right. On February 5th, one Redditor asked in the r/AskMen subreddit, “What’s your ‘I’ll only make this when no other humans are watching’ dinner?” And man, oh man, are the answers juicy.

“My gf is gone for the week,” the initial poster, who goes by u/GeorgieWashington, wrote. “Tonight I started [sautéing] an onion for another meal. I loved the smell of the onion so much that I just ate sautéed onions.” After the responses started rolling in, u/GeorgieWashington added, “Edit: y’all are some sick bastards. Keep up the good work!”

The post has been upvoted over 12,000 times in the 24 hours it’s been live, and more than 4,300 Reddit users have commented their favorite guilty pleasure meal.

Now we hate to judge, but some of these dinners are just downright disgusting.

We’ve collected 30 of our favorite secret eats from the threat and compiled them here. Add your own guilty pleasure snack to the Reddit post to keep the grossness going.

1. Fried Rice with One Egg

Sure, it’s cheap. But why just one egg? What if you’re really hungry?

2. Instant Noodles and Protein Powder

Um… we’d feel better if you just subbed in chicken or an egg for protein instead of protein powder. But hey, you do you.

3. White Trash Lobster Mac and Cheese

This sounds like something from our gross 1960s meals list. Someone’s mom definitely did this back in the day.

4. Nine Cans of Ravioli

That’s a lot of ravioli. There’s not much more we can say about the matter.

5. Frosted Flakes with Chocolate Chips and Sliced Banana

Actually, this would make a pretty good dessert. But now that we’re rereading this post, we’re more concerned about the milk with ice.

6. Cheese

Don’t you hate it when your boss catches you singing, “Workin’ on my night cheese?” This is supposed to be a ~private~ meal.

7. A Bag of Iceberg Lettuce

We’re pretty sure iceberg lettuce just tastes like crunchy water. But we guess some people are into that.

8. Cup O’ Pizza

That’s a setup for a burnt tongue if we’ve ever seen one. That sauce must get ~steamy~.

9. Cream Cheese with a Side of Bagel

“A horrific amount of cream cheese” is what we’re going to ask for next time we grab breakfast from our local bagel spot. Just keep loading it on, honey.

10. Blue Mac and Cheese

We definitely used to do this as kids. However, now we think we’d just be grossed out by it.

11. Seven Hard-Boiled Eggs

Hard-boiled eggs are good. But they’re definitely not that good.

12. Garlic. Lots of Garlic

We’re glad you’re alone when you do this. No offense, but your breath must stank.

13. Raw Pasta with Lemon Juice

No, thank you. Absolutely not.

14. An Entire Jar of Apple Butter

Apple butter sounds divine. But our stomach hurts just thinking about eating an entire jar.

15. Peanut Butter and Sriracha Sandwich

Well, they probably look at you that way because this combo is weird as hell. Sorry — we’re just being honest.

16. Watermelon and Rice

We couldn’t decide which combo was weirder. Watermelon and rice is just too much for our brains to fathom.

17. Pickle Spear with Ketchup and Mustard

We get that you missed your double cheeseburgers. But we’re not too sure how a pickle drizzled in mustard and ketchup is a good alternative.

18. A Bottle of Wine

Been there. Done that.

19. Saltines and Cheese Whiz

Also been there. Also done that.

20. Pasta with Butter Sugar Sauce

This sounds like something Buddy the Elf would eat. Although, he’d put some chocolate sauce on his.

21. Sausage Patties and Creamed Corn

Wouldn’t be our first choice for alone-time breakfast. We’re glad you get some nostalgia from this odd combo.

22. Frozen Brussels Sprouts

Brussels sprouts are just barely good when they’re cooked (with bacon, butter, and cheese). Frozen Brussels sprouts? No.

23. Raw Garlic Cloves

Again with the garlic. Yes, like we said, it’s good for you. But raw garlic? That must hurt going down.

24. Frosted Flakes Nachos

Sweet and salty? Is that the appeal of this one? We don’t get it.

25. Dill Pickles and Mashed Potatoes

We’re not sure why you have to dip anything in mashed potatoes. However, like we said, we’re trying hard not to judge.

26. Mayo. Just Mayo.

We trying very hard not to judge. You guys are making it hard!

27. Black Bean Sandwich

How did this person get the idea to put black beans on bread? Why not just eat them with a fork?

28. Pan-Fried Spam with Goat Cheese

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/anac53/whats_your_ill_only_make_this_when_no_other/efsgjse

The classiness of goat cheese paired with the not-so-classiness of Spam makes for an interesting snack. We’d give it a shot.

29. Cold Carrots on Pizza

Those carrots must be mega-crunchy on pizza. We’ll take our carrots on the side — and with ranch dressing.

What do you guys dive into when no one is around? Don’t worry — your secret is safe with us.